Song of Myself Blog

Pause, look around, take a deep breath, re-evaluate, de-clutter your mind, go back to basics, keep it simple... Soooo many promptings! Simple is the key word. 2021 started with a lot of weight on its shoulders. We literally spent 2020 trapped with our families, quarantining with nowhere to go; forced to learn about each other, and ourselves. To some that process may have felt slow, painful.  To others it was productive, they discovered new hobbies, they finished old projects that were laying about taking up valuable space physically and mentally... and to others it wasn’t so much of a progress as it was more of a deep-rooted feeling of “being stuck” that came with the physical aspect of being in quarantine. It was unexpected, it was shocking, it was traumatizing to some; but to others it was empowering and potentially life changing as they reconnected with those roots and rediscovered aspects of their life that had become overshadowed by the many tasks we take on as adults (work, ...

Happy mom, happy baby! No? April 26, 2019. "It's 7am on MY BIRTHDAY woo hoo!  My contractions are 5-3 minutes apart, but I am not dilated enough. Still at 2 cm. Michael and I have been in the maternity ward of Celebration Hospital since 11pm last night. He's asleep on the recliner. My mother arrived 1 hr ago. She's asleep on the couch. I thought this would be over by now. I'm always waiting the longest for everything!" - excerpt from Notes app on the phone. I always seem to wait the longest for things that other people get around to doing much earlier than me in their life. If you struggle with anxiety you know how it is, overthinking everything, over-worrying and keeping busy thinking and analyzing things instead of actually doing. I guess it's one way to explain why I'm 34 and having my first child. I mean, there's so many reasons... But we're not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about Elijah Michael; a handsome 9 lbs baby boy...

Part 1 A Planned Pregnancy... an Unplanned Birth. I often look at him and wonder why I waited so long to become a mother. If I had him straight out of college, he would be 11-years-old right now. I'd be over the teething fussiness, the food messes and way past potty training. Instead, he's 11-months-old and all of those are my normal. On the upside, I don't have a pre-teen to deal with. The truth is, I was 16 the first time I said the words out loud "I don't want children", and all through High School (where one of our peers went to graduation with a baby bump), and all through my 20s, I studied, worked, dated and never considered having children. I was always too busy, too involved, too independent. While most of the girls in my Senior class got married and started families and had one, two and three children, I lived my life and did what I wanted freely. I was published, I had a great job ... I was thriving. One day I was slapped in the face with bad ...

It's 2019, the "future" we were all expecting to witness with flying cars and magical ovens that can turn a tiny pill into an entire meal.  Technology is advancing, indeed, but are we all falling behind as a species? Holding on to culture and tradition, embracing the "old ways" for whatever reason? Afraid to discuss important topics because they are "taboo"? Even among some of our favorite and closest friends, there's still some things we are not willing to discuss, and as I enter "adulthood", mind you I will be 34 soon, I marvel at how "touchy" some topics are and how all I want is to rip the veil and embrace and discuss and wonder! I have never talked about my journey with endometriosis, but since Julianne Hough has become a voice and advocate for the condition I've been brainstorming how to go about telling my story.  I am 1 in 10 women officially diagnosed with this not-so silent condition that takes a tol...

This is it! What wasn't written remains in darkness. What wasn't done remains undone... Do I remain unchanged?  FAR FROM IT! 2018 was, for lack of a better word, a gem. These past twelve months I have gotten to know myself and our family in such a brand new light; the light of Christ. We have laughed, cried, learned and loved each other enough to last a lifetime; and there's way more where it all came from. We've struggled, too. Individually and as a whole, like everyone struggles with day-to-day life. I have days where, mentally, I'm far from where I consciously wish I was. Call it poor planning, poor time management, financial strain, pregnant brain, hormones, anxiety... it doesn't matter. I don't know a single person who doesn't have an "off" day here and there. But, in my own way I have endured; and I have so much hope for the future. That's what the new year is for, right? HOPE?! In reality it's nothing more than "tomorrow...

 Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.               - Goethe I'm 33 and I never imagined I would be able to live "a life by design" working from home, doing what I love and finding time to do the things I like. This is not a sales pitch, some people love the comfort of having job security in a corporate world and the benefits that come from it.  I grew up with parents who spent a lifetime working 8 to 5pm for the same company; y dad (R.I.P) had a heart attack in his office, undoubtedly caused by the strain of too much work and not enough living. So, for me, getting up to work a full-time job with 1 hour for lunch plus time for commute is more than just unappealing; it's simply NOT AN OPTION. I've referenced Instagram's Ask Me a Question story "gif" before.  A few weeks ago someone asked "What do you do for work?" I laughed out loud as I pondered how t...