It's 2019, the "future" we were all expecting to witness with flying
cars and magical ovens that can turn a tiny pill into an entire meal.
Technology is advancing, indeed, but are we all falling behind as a
species? Holding on to culture and tradition, embracing the "old ways"
for whatever reason? Afraid to discuss important topics because they are
"taboo"? Even among some of our favorite and closest friends, there's
still some things we are not willing to discuss, and as I enter
"adulthood", mind you I will be 34 soon, I marvel at how "touchy" some
topics are and how all I want is to rip the veil and embrace and discuss
and wonder!
I have never talked about my journey with endometriosis, but since Julianne Hough has become a voice and advocate for the condition I've been brainstorming how to go about telling my story. I am 1 in 10 women officially diagnosed with this not-so silent condition that takes a toll in the present and in most cases, the future of women's lives.
Google simply defines Endometriosis as "an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus. Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, Fallopian tubes and the tissue lining your pelvis." Or, as women in the spectrum would put it: it is a monster that tears your uterus from the inside out every single month. It dictates how you relate to people by taking a toll on your moods and overall well-being and it can become a nightmare when planning a future with someone you love. Fun, right? Not at all.
It all started the year I turned 18, graduated High School and moved to a different city two hours away from my home town to go to school. Was it something in the water? Maybe. My short and uneventful monthly periods turned into painful episodes of nausea, hot flashes, bloating and utter unhappiness.
Fast forward to 2013. I am busy working and I feel sharp pains in my lower abdomen area (uterus). For about 3 days I endured the pain, because, having monthly periods full of pain and drama kind of makes you strong when it comes to the way you endure pain. I decided to go to the hospital when I realized one afternoon that for about 3 days the pain and bloating hadn't stopped. So off I went, to the ER, to get checked by a stranger OBGYN and nurse. They did a sonogram and found out a cyst had burst. A cyst? I didn't even know I had it. They asked me tons of questions about my symptoms and periods. So far, my periods were short and uneventful, other than the symptoms described which I thought were manageable because I would skip school if I had to, lay around with a heating pad and just survive it. A few hours later I was discharged, sent home and the Doctor's literal advice was "this happens, next time just stay home with your pad or in a hot bath, take ibuprofen and wait for it to pass". He made it sound like a kidney stone... but what do I know?
It wasn't until 2015 that I knew I had another cyst because of the pain on my right ovary every time my dog jumped off of me when he got excited. I could feel the pain, I knew it was there... but the Doctor told me to wait it out and it should pass. So I did... I waited, and waited and waited, and survived the sharp pains. Until one afternoon I felt it: the horrible stab on my right ovary that bent my body and wouldn't let me walk or stand straight. I thought "this is it, it's bursting, time for ibuprofen and a warm bath", but one of my friends thought that much pain couldn't be normal, so we drove to see an OBGYN.
And there it was, an 11cm burst cyst wrapped around my right ovary, suffocating it to the point that I could no longer wait for it to "pass", I needed surgery. I was 30 years old, never been married, never had a baby, oblivious about anything wrong within me and terrified, since I had never stayed more than just a few hours in the ER, let alone have any type of surgery. For days the pain persisted as I waited for the date to come for me to go under the knife. After several sonograms and tests, the doctor said it could be two things: a severe case of endometriosis, or ovarian cancer. WHAT? Endometriosis? But, I've never had the symptoms. But, I was told this was common, dismissed, told to lay down and take ibuprofen. Shouldn't I have been treated for it? Too late now. We literally wouldn't know until after surgery.
Contemplating the future of my reproductive system made me question everything about myself, my life and my choices for the last 30 years. I trusted that Heavenly Father knew what He was doing with me in this world, but I also questioned whether I should have done things differently. Maybe I could've found a second opinion after that ER episode. Maybe, I could have committed to someone amazing whom I loved and could've had a family with. Instead, I was faced with the possibility of waking up to find out that I had cancer, or that everything in there was so severe that they removed both ovaries leaving me barren forever. I know it sounds dramatic, but this was exactly the way it was. Not fun, not simple and definitely not something I would wish on any other woman.
Surgery day came, I trusted the doctors, I prayed for health and peace of mind and I just waited. Come to find out, I did have a severe case of un-diagnosed endometriosis and I would now walk around with just one ovary, not sure of its capabilities and stuck on birth control pills as part of my endometriosis treatment. As it turns out, if I had chosen to be on birth control early on in life (before the 2015 episode) my endometriosis would have been in check, manageable and probably not the cause of so much drama. But birth control is something I never wanted to put my body through.
At 33 years old, and wanting to start a family with the love of my life; the only catch was that I hadn't been off birth control since I started it in 2015 and with one ovary, we just didn't know what would happen. We were prayerful, faithful and so in love that we hoped Heavenly Father would bless us with a baby to take care of and guide and love. Well, He answered our prayers! Moving forward, this baby is our own little miracle and we feel so honored to host him in this life. If you are trying to get pregnant, struggling with IVF, endometriosis or any other infertility issue, know that I love you, I'm here for you and I pray for you to get your baby miracle.
I sometimes wonder what will happen to me after having our baby. Will I be back on the pill? Back to painful and stressful monthly periods? I literally have no clue about the future of my condition, but I do know one thing: THIS NEEDS TO BE A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION! If you think there's something odd with your monthly periods, you need to bring it up with your mom, your sister, your school nurse, your husband, and especially with your doctor! Know that you are not alone, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and we will get through it together. We are WARRIORS and must stand together.
I have never talked about my journey with endometriosis, but since Julianne Hough has become a voice and advocate for the condition I've been brainstorming how to go about telling my story. I am 1 in 10 women officially diagnosed with this not-so silent condition that takes a toll in the present and in most cases, the future of women's lives.
Google simply defines Endometriosis as "an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus. Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, Fallopian tubes and the tissue lining your pelvis." Or, as women in the spectrum would put it: it is a monster that tears your uterus from the inside out every single month. It dictates how you relate to people by taking a toll on your moods and overall well-being and it can become a nightmare when planning a future with someone you love. Fun, right? Not at all.
It all started the year I turned 18, graduated High School and moved to a different city two hours away from my home town to go to school. Was it something in the water? Maybe. My short and uneventful monthly periods turned into painful episodes of nausea, hot flashes, bloating and utter unhappiness.
Fast forward to 2013. I am busy working and I feel sharp pains in my lower abdomen area (uterus). For about 3 days I endured the pain, because, having monthly periods full of pain and drama kind of makes you strong when it comes to the way you endure pain. I decided to go to the hospital when I realized one afternoon that for about 3 days the pain and bloating hadn't stopped. So off I went, to the ER, to get checked by a stranger OBGYN and nurse. They did a sonogram and found out a cyst had burst. A cyst? I didn't even know I had it. They asked me tons of questions about my symptoms and periods. So far, my periods were short and uneventful, other than the symptoms described which I thought were manageable because I would skip school if I had to, lay around with a heating pad and just survive it. A few hours later I was discharged, sent home and the Doctor's literal advice was "this happens, next time just stay home with your pad or in a hot bath, take ibuprofen and wait for it to pass". He made it sound like a kidney stone... but what do I know?
It wasn't until 2015 that I knew I had another cyst because of the pain on my right ovary every time my dog jumped off of me when he got excited. I could feel the pain, I knew it was there... but the Doctor told me to wait it out and it should pass. So I did... I waited, and waited and waited, and survived the sharp pains. Until one afternoon I felt it: the horrible stab on my right ovary that bent my body and wouldn't let me walk or stand straight. I thought "this is it, it's bursting, time for ibuprofen and a warm bath", but one of my friends thought that much pain couldn't be normal, so we drove to see an OBGYN.
And there it was, an 11cm burst cyst wrapped around my right ovary, suffocating it to the point that I could no longer wait for it to "pass", I needed surgery. I was 30 years old, never been married, never had a baby, oblivious about anything wrong within me and terrified, since I had never stayed more than just a few hours in the ER, let alone have any type of surgery. For days the pain persisted as I waited for the date to come for me to go under the knife. After several sonograms and tests, the doctor said it could be two things: a severe case of endometriosis, or ovarian cancer. WHAT? Endometriosis? But, I've never had the symptoms. But, I was told this was common, dismissed, told to lay down and take ibuprofen. Shouldn't I have been treated for it? Too late now. We literally wouldn't know until after surgery.
Contemplating the future of my reproductive system made me question everything about myself, my life and my choices for the last 30 years. I trusted that Heavenly Father knew what He was doing with me in this world, but I also questioned whether I should have done things differently. Maybe I could've found a second opinion after that ER episode. Maybe, I could have committed to someone amazing whom I loved and could've had a family with. Instead, I was faced with the possibility of waking up to find out that I had cancer, or that everything in there was so severe that they removed both ovaries leaving me barren forever. I know it sounds dramatic, but this was exactly the way it was. Not fun, not simple and definitely not something I would wish on any other woman.
 |
| My mom and I at the hospital minutes before going in for surgery, 2015. |
Surgery day came, I trusted the doctors, I prayed for health and peace of mind and I just waited. Come to find out, I did have a severe case of un-diagnosed endometriosis and I would now walk around with just one ovary, not sure of its capabilities and stuck on birth control pills as part of my endometriosis treatment. As it turns out, if I had chosen to be on birth control early on in life (before the 2015 episode) my endometriosis would have been in check, manageable and probably not the cause of so much drama. But birth control is something I never wanted to put my body through.
At 33 years old, and wanting to start a family with the love of my life; the only catch was that I hadn't been off birth control since I started it in 2015 and with one ovary, we just didn't know what would happen. We were prayerful, faithful and so in love that we hoped Heavenly Father would bless us with a baby to take care of and guide and love. Well, He answered our prayers! Moving forward, this baby is our own little miracle and we feel so honored to host him in this life. If you are trying to get pregnant, struggling with IVF, endometriosis or any other infertility issue, know that I love you, I'm here for you and I pray for you to get your baby miracle.
 |
| Gender Reveal sonogram, at 17 weeks. November, 2018 |
I sometimes wonder what will happen to me after having our baby. Will I be back on the pill? Back to painful and stressful monthly periods? I literally have no clue about the future of my condition, but I do know one thing: THIS NEEDS TO BE A TOPIC OF CONVERSATION! If you think there's something odd with your monthly periods, you need to bring it up with your mom, your sister, your school nurse, your husband, and especially with your doctor! Know that you are not alone, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and we will get through it together. We are WARRIORS and must stand together.
 |
| 31 weeks pregnant, 2019. |
Comments
Post a Comment