Pause, look around, take a deep breath, re-evaluate, de-clutter your mind, go back to basics, keep it simple... Soooo many promptings!
Simple is the key word. 2021 started with a lot of weight on its shoulders. We literally spent 2020 trapped with our families, quarantining with nowhere to go; forced to learn about each other, and ourselves. To some that process may have felt slow, painful. To others it was productive, they discovered new hobbies, they finished old projects that were laying about taking up valuable space physically and mentally... and to others it wasn’t so much of a progress as it was more of a deep-rooted feeling of “being stuck” that came with the physical aspect of being in quarantine. It was unexpected, it was shocking, it was traumatizing to some; but to others it was empowering and potentially life changing as they reconnected with those roots and rediscovered aspects of their life that had become overshadowed by the many tasks we take on as adults (work, family, social life, church, team meetings, recreational planning, vices, addictions...). You know, that train of life that normally swooshes by and then suddenly, it halted and left us at the station all of us looking at each other like “Omygoodness, what now!?”
Personally I spent 3 months furloughed from work and at home with an infant. That was great! I knew it was a blessing to be home and watch him grow. It was in watching him discover himself and the world around him that I realized I needed to approach the situation with genuine curiosity and enthusiasm, the way a child does. As opposed to letting my adult preconceptions, scrutiny and insecurities get in the way of me taking charge, adjusting, transforming and living my life.
I looked to the future (seemingly 6 months furloughed and stuck at home during a pandemic) and decided I needed to discover; I needed something to be curious about. So, I took up the piano, signed up for the app, paid for the year and got really hooked on playing for hours at a time especially during nap time. It felt super cool. I was accomplishing levels and learning a ton. Ten weeks into learning I finally managed to sing and play at the same time which was epic! So, we’re quarantined and life was great. But, then I got called back to work.
Real Estate is considered an “essential” contributor to the economy so we got called back which was nice and reassuring. Inevitably, I didn’t have time for the piano any more. That state of flow I had managed to reach while furloughed was completely gone and with it my sense of personal accomplishment tied to that specific goal. We’ve all been there. You get consumed with duties and deadlines and work and you drown the pursuit of happiness.
Coming back to work to be busier than ever, I looked at the piano one day and thought to myself the app is cool, and finishing all the levels will be amazing but I need something smaller. In keeping a full time job, I needed a pass-time that demanded less; so I could take what I need from it and move on to the next thing. Think about it, we get such a thrill when we watch Tik Toks of people working on projects and then doing the reveal, imagine if that was you completing tasks in your own life! I confirmed this, in my own experience stuck at home. Small, more frequent goals are some times better than one HUGE and possibly “unobtainable” goal that takes over your life and consumes you, overwhelms you and worse, it drains you.
So with the mindset of taking one thing at a time and finishing it and holding on to that sense of accomplishment each time, I paused the piano to focus on our wedding. When that was planned and done; I focused on finishing a book I had overlooked for a while. After that was done I picked up another book...all that was good and well. I knew I was on to something in finding that groove back of making time to finish books, but what else could I do, what else was there? And as 2020 was coming to an end and we all literally put all our hopes and dreams into New Years Day, as if January 01, 2021 carried some magical element that would make everything alright, I looked at my journal and all the empty, blank pages on it and felt defeated. I felt irresponsible. I had a year of self-discovery, musical growth, self-indulging with my child and my family, and I had nothing to show for, I wrote nothing.
So, I gave myself grace, put the unfinished journal on my bookshelf,
another one for the books; and went to Hobby Lobby. I could have ordered
one online but after 20 years this is more of a ritual, for me. Time to “start fresh”, “new year new me”. If you keep a journal or you like agendas, you know that brand new feeling is so exhilarating and precious. That item we hold in our hands is the representation of our hopes and intentions, even before we write the first letter on that very first page. It’s a rush!
I browsed the isles for the perfect journal. I felt spines and pages, I looked at thickness and size and color. And then I saw a package of 3 thin, medium-sized notebooks that seemed flexible enough to fit in any handbag. The “Notebook Bundle”, try doing a search on Hobby Lobby or Amazon. I had an epiphany; a big, chunky journal usually stays by the bed or on my desk and if I get to sit down at some point great and if not then days go by and pages remain blank. But, a small, flexible journal that I can take with me everywhere, well that’s bound to get filled with ideas and inspiration if I’m able to write it as it comes wherever I am or whatever time of the day it is! I loved this idea, I felt invigorated and like I discovered a whole new world. I grabbed two packs and walked out with not one but SIX journals for the new year!
Let me just say, finishing that first one all bent and wrinkled from being in my purse and in Elijah’s bag and on the ground in the drive way because it fell... When I finished that last page and started the second journal (2021 v.2) it felt AMAZING. I hadn’t felt so accomplished in months! Did I do a happy dance? You bet I did and I am simply never going back to big, chunky journals that intimidated me.
Celebrate small wins! When you finish a task that you have mindfully and purposely set out to complete (building a piece of furniture, cook a recipe, finish a book, or a journal, or a symphony) CELEBRATE it! Look at yourself in the mirror and say YOU DID IT, you did that, you put the dot on the last line on last page and closed the cover. It really feels SO GOOD!
If you’re in High School small goals could be landing that kick that you’ve been struggling with, you know you may have lost the game but the kick you worked so hard on actually paid off and you did get that point, CELEBRATE IT! That’s the difference between a pessimist and an optimist! The pessimist looks around and cries and throws a fit because it was a horrible game and they lost and what an embarrassment! Meanwhile, the optimist looks at all the room for improvement, and the fact that you DID land the kick you couldn’t land before. You accomplished something and that counts, and that matters. Even this blog post is a finished task, and I’m doing a happy dance after I publish!
Celebrate your path and every step you take in moving fwd. January ended and it’s the first day of February and we’re still holding on for a great year, we’re still bracing ourselves.
So, what did I learn in 2020? I learned, the hard way; that small wins along the way can be more effective or empowering than one BIG win. The next time you look at someone and what they have accomplished, look around yourself and pat yourself on the back for what YOU have accomplished and how far YOU have come and look into the future and say “these are all the things I want to do, finish and accomplish” and DO IT! Not because you’re competing with anyone but because it fills you, it builds your strength and character and most importantly because it will make you happy.
I love you. I'm here for you.
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